3 Kinds of E-mail I don’t Need

Man, do I get a lot of junk e-mail.

Hey, coupon companies, I’m not opening attachments from you because I don’t like viruses–neither the real kind, nor the virtual variety.

Hey, singles organizations, I love my wife, and I made a vow in front of God and everybody, so I’m not looking to date. It doesn’t matter if you’re repping for Christian singles, or for Asians, African Americans (male and female), married but lonely, or singles over 50. Just leave me alone. I’ve heard from all of you several times, and I am just not interested.

Finally, I’m not looking to better myself by taking computer classes, earning extra money from home, or (perhaps my favorite) finishing my high school degree. Honestly? After getting the second graduate degree, the thought of having a second high school diploma just doesn’t really grab me. I don’t really miss the 15 minute lunch lines in a 25 minute lunch period, the palm reading English teacher, or the Civics teacher who shot paper wad baskets every day while we did worksheets. I’m sure you’re offering me something totally different, but still…no thanks.

I don’t mean to be unkind to any of the senders referenced above, but when I have any free time, I try to devote it to Nigerian princes who need to move their funds to the United States. They usually want to work it out right away, so I need to keep some flexibility in my schedule.

So, which e-mails are you tired of getting, dear reader?