Gifts for the Candidates

Well, it’s a little early for Christmas, and I haven’t exactly seen their wish lists, but I imagine that the candidates for the next presidential election would benefit from these suggestions.

For Mitt Romney: amnesia medicine.  He could give it out to all the conservative evangelical Republican voters who are uncomfortable with the idea of picking a Latter Day Saint for the White House.  If not for this issue, the Republican race would be over.

For Barack Obama: ear plugs.  Lots and lots of ear plugs.  He could pass them out to the Occupy Wall Street crowd.  Then, maybe they would never hear that the President has received more campaign contributions from Wall Street than his opponents have.

Rick Perry: college tuition for a course on debating.  If he could figure that out, it’d be a whole new ball game.

Herman Cain: a new favorite number.  Cain doesn’t need a college course, just a little something to help him to come up with a tax plan that isn’t 9-9-9.

Newt Gingrich: a time machine.  He could use it to go back and make different decisions in his personal life.

Rick Santorum: a guest appearance on “Hawaii 5-0.”  He really needs some publicity.

None of these guys are perfect, but they all have certain assets.  They all bring something to the table.  If we Americans don’t pick the best one, we’ll get what we deserve.